sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
