At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
