I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
