i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
