The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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