vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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