My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
