sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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