i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
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Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
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your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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