Taylor Swift is so right about you.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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