pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
