I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
