I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
