I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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