Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid