i jhust puked up my retainher.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
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Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
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tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.