if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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