I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
ttyl tear gas
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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