I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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