that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
