you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
