There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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