I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
