Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
