i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
The chlamydia really affected his face.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
