my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
