So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
