I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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