i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
