He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
