btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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