I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I wish there were birth control emojis
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
