At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
