You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
