I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
