what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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