Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
