You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
