I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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