as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
