Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Dignity is for republicans.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
