I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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