Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
