God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.