dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
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i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
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I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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