1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything