Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
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I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
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I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.