Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.