It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.