THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
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Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
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Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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