I want to stick my p in your. b.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
