he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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