I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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