i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
