week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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