Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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