Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
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