pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
kristin has been a bad kristin
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
