just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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