i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
