I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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