i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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