I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
