all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
