I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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