My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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