my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
