You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
