just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Farmville is her only friend.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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