This is not my ceiling
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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