i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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