call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
