I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
