i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
She said her name was "party"
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
